the secret life of the american teenager-what does the unscripted version look like?

ok...so some guilty pleasures coming your way! i watch Gossip Girl. i watch 90210 (can't even tell you how psyched i was about that one coming back!). and this summer, i began watching The Secret Life of the American Teenager with Molly Ringwald, on ABC Family. i watch re-runs on that channel and kept seeing previews for this new show about a teenage girl getting pregnant and i thought hmmm, that sounds interesting. so i tuned in. and so far...it's pretty interesting. she's pregnant, returning to school instead of going to an extension program, has been befriended by a christian girl that desperately wants to witness to others about Christ (she also befriends the identified school slut). she's dealing with the realities of being pregnant and being at school...her boyfriend (not the father) gets taunted and beaten up on her first day back, and her friends are weary about their friendship with her as one is not allowed to go to her house...you know...pregnancy by association and all. early on she dealt with her options, abortion, adoption, or keeping the baby. it was interesting to see this story develop and the character's viewpoints on the matter come to life.

anyway, my posting tonight is not to get you up to speed on the latest happenings of the Secret Life...but watching these shows about teenagers has just gotten me thinking about the lives of the unscripted, real teenagers. with the last two jobs i interviewed for, there is a very real possibility that i'll be working with teenagers, and not just your average teenagers, these are teens that have been involved with state custody, residential treatment or the criminal justice system (or more than one). now, i know that their lives look very different than the lives we see on the aforementioned shows....but what i want to know is...what are the real issues these days in the lives of teenagers. on the shows we are BOMBARDED with sex (anyone happen to catch the opening scene at West Beverly High)?? technology is huge, as is having the latest, greatest fashions.

there are two developmental tasks that teenagers go through...finding their identity and acheiving autonomy. For me, the first was carried out mainly at school, with my friends; while the latter was at home with the 'rents. I had a difficult time acheiving both of these tasks. Looking back, and through a lot of introspection, I see now that my idea of "finding my own identity" meant conforming to whatever was labeled as "cool" at the moment, so that I wouldn't be the subject of conversation among the popular group. This basically meant copying what I saw around me so as to not draw attention to myself, in terms of fashion styles, speech patterns, slang that was used. I also took on others music interest's in order to be able to converse with them about it. I didn't find my identity so much as I was scared for anyone to see my real identity (a survival skill). However, there were a few things about my identity that I learned early on that I wouldn't negotiate: I knew that I cared about sex, and my body, and that for me it wasn't a locker room conversation. I knew early on that I wanted it to mean something more to me than just some passing physical encounter. For me it meant something about the relationship I was in, that it was a commited one. Our society has gotten so backwards about their views of sex...but that's a whole other topic for discussion. I also knew early on that I was a faithful person, I knew about God at a very young age and I think my conscience developed really early as well! I struggled with that, as I often felt like I was between two worlds. I wanted to serve the Lord, and do Godly things, and be compassionate and forgiving....but I also wanted to let people know when what they were doing was wrong, or go to a party and have a drink if I wanted, I didn't want God always on my shoulder reminding me about my behavior. Most of all, I didn't want to feel guilty about my actions...which is usually what happens when you're caught btwn these two worlds.

As far as autonomy, well, that was quite the struggle! The friendships I formed in high school early on helped with that, as they were a few years older, had later curfews, things like that. The extra-curriculars I joined helped, getting a job helped, learning to drive helped, and most of all going off to college might have helped out as well. ;)

What I want to know is, are teenagers today facing the same issues that I faced back in the late 90's?? Under the umbrella of identify and autonomy are the issues of cliques and popularity, racial differences, sex, drugs, religion, polotics(?), and family conflict over the teens struggle with these. I spoke of my struggles to establish the degree to which I struggled with them and want to know how much more intense has it become now? A friend of mine once said "High school is like prison. You better know where to sit , where to walk and who you can walk with , or else."

So, if you have kids ages 13-18, or you work in schools (you might be able to observe rather than talk to them), I would encourage you to talk to them about this issue and let me know what you find out. If you want to sum this up into a couple of questions, they could be: "What is it like for you in school? If you haven't already, what major issues do you think you or your friends might encounter while you're in school? (You may need to give them a hint of what your getting at, such as sex, drugs, their knowledge of the clique system in place). Do they ever feel caught between two worlds? Are they struggling with cliques? Are they aware of sex/drug use between friends or classmates, and does knowledge of this put pressure on them to engage in this type of behavior? Do they know specific names/slang for drugs? And, do any of them struggle with being faithful to their religion while out in the real world of high school? What does that struggle look like for them? How do they overcome temptation? It might even help to bring up the shows I mentioned (Gossip Girl, 90210, Secret Life, etc) and see how they do or don't relate to those shows.

If you don't have kids, your friends might, or you might work with some interns, or be doing some sort of ministry work with teenagers, or just have an opinion on the issue and I'm game for that as well.

I just want to know what I'm up against. I realize these are very difficult topics for some people to bring up and talk about with their child. However it makes you comfortable is fine by me. I am a firm believer though that these types of conversations need to be had, esp in this day and age. For me, gone are the days for "wait until your older", or completely avoiding the talks at all. With the knowledge and training I have you can bet my kids will face some tough conversations at some points in their life. But the point is not to embarrass them, the point is that hopefully they will learn to discuss these topics with ease, while at the same time thinking hard about what kind of person they want to be. I also think it's important that this value development take place in the context of the family. I want my kids to learn about tough issues from me, not from their friends b/c I was too embarrassed to have the conversation. I know it's not an easy thing, even with the example questions I wrote I'd expect some one word answers or "God this is so embarrassing". Anticipate their response so you can prepare for the next move, whether you'll press on or say "You know, why don't we talk about this later when we're both a little more open to the conversation." And set a time for "later".

Good luck, let me know how it goes. :)